Bodies, Identities and Genders

Let me take a moment here to talk about bodies. Or my body. Or the vessel in which I move about the world. Perhaps I am my body, or maybe I just live in it, but either way, we are inseparable.

There are times when I identify more or less strongly with the experience of existing in this body I was born into and the ways in which society wants bodies like mine to operate. There are days when I embrace my curves and the sway of my hips beneath a flowing skirt. There are days when I feel compact and tight, strong and springy and there is no room for any flowing skirt. There are days when I want to hide in a shroud, when I feel awkward and uncomfortable no matter what I am doing or where I am. Some days I want to be dashing and handsome and can’t stand the runaway curls that tumble into my face. Some days I feel graceful and feminine but still want to do things that are not traditionally associated with femininity.

Gender is so much more than clothing. Obviously. But what I have learned is that clothing can help me “perform” my identities so that I feel more comfortable and confident moving through the world. It’s more than a costume, too, though as a theatrically-inclined person I definitely identify with the analogy of characters and costumes. Being pretty genderfluid means that I will feel very different from day to day, week to week, month to month, and I never know how I can expect to feel on any given day. So clothing helps me pick out, try on and fit into different facets of my personal identity wardrobe. Kinda? I am still far from figuring it out, believe me.

Anyway, just wanted to rant about that a little. Unedited, unfiltered. Yeah.

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