Goals and Things

This entry is largely personal. An expression of a bunch of shit I need to get written down and out of my head so that it stays organized and in one place before I lose my focus and spiral out of control again. It’s cool, I got this.

I need to go back to school. Since I am so far behind (by my estimation) time-wise, I would like to find a program that:
a) Can turn my existing credits into certification/piece of paper
b) Can give me a broad range of experience to make up for the several courses I could have taken in the meantime
c) Will earn me a diploma+degree or other multiple certification in less time

Is there a program at a school somewhere (Canada or heck, anywhere) in which I can get educated in a wide variety of the media arts? Do I have to specialize? Should I take several smaller, more specific programs (certificates/diplomas) that will combine to give me the experience I want? Or should I pick something very specific, very niche and master that? Work on that for a while and then diversify as it relates to other things? Should I bother researching these things more or just dive into something? I know I’ve been debating all this stuff for 2 years now, but I really, truly do feel as if I’ve made some sense of everything. Not to say that I wish to delay further. I am simply expressing my belief that these last 2 years have not been a waste of time at all, and though I haven’t yet chosen something, I have chosen some things for short periods of times that have proven useful and valuable in different ways.

I would like to be able to:
-publish books/magazines
-do clever things with words
-write/illustrate said print media
-write for movies & tv
-do art stuff (set, props, effects) for tv & movies
-act in movies & tv
-be the face/voice of media
-do freelance voicework
-work at a (college) radio station and host a show while being involved with the many other facets of the music industry
-learn, play, compose, perform and record music
-express my feelings about others’ music and network, do business etc with sound
-have an art studio in which I have space and resources to make things and undertake the crazy ideas and projects I often think of, write down and forget.
-collaborate
-design worlds
-learn some aspect of game design. art, world, character, story etc
-make music for games
-learn basic computer programming, maybe (for games and web)
-digital things like graphics, image manipulation
-master portable skills that are applicable in many lines of work
-be in nature
-be with animals
-work with people
-help people
-fight for change
-travel and gain perspective
-get confidence
-feel excitement
-have friends and be close with them
-be myself

Within each of these trajectories are several sub-trajectories. I could take the time to organize and turn these into lists and sub-lists and sub-sub-lists, but that would just be prolonging my eternal research/hesitation stage. The real-life embodiment of opening 34 tabs to read later. Eventually they start to slow down the computer. Analogies.

If I had a space in which to do these things, then I would have things to be blogging about, instead of blogging about wishing to be blogging and doing things. ENOUGH. Well, I have still done a lot of things. Am I too hard on myself? Should I feel discouraged and disappointed in myself for not having lived up to childhood standards for success? I will die an idealist, but I guess my future projections for myself 10 years ago were a tad over-optimistic. Who could have foreseen the stumbling blocks and detours, changes of course and breakdowns? A psychic, that’s who. … I don’t…

I am an introvert and possibly a loner. I am okay with the former but not so much with the latter. I see sadder, older people alone-ing all over the place and I do not wish to be like that. I am aware of the offers of friendship that I spurn, but it is out of a bizarre interest in self-reflection. Perpetual self-reflection for the purposes of productivity, progress and discovery. I turn them away so that I can focus on focusing myself. This doesn’t make sense and I do not like it. I need to live in a place full of people so that I cannot avoid social interaction. I mean, I do just fine with it when I am in the thick of it. It’s just getting to the thick of it that is so unappealing. I am simply not interested in certain social dynamics.

This is getting tangenty. Sign off.